Hey kids, Carlos here.
I know a lot of you are probably wondering, Carlos, why did you decide to beat up the Gatorade machine the other day after being ejected from the game?
Well, the short answer is that I’m crazy. The longer, slightly less true answer goes something like this.
Every so often, celebrities take a break from their busy schedules to have kids, just so that they can issue them insane names like Jermajesty, Audio Science or Princess Tiaamii.
Today’s list attempts to predict future celebrity baby names and figure out why on earth their parents would name them something so outlandish and soul crippling to their already difficult social lives being kids of celebrities.
Here is your morning pick me up courtesy of Liquid Generation.
Don’t worry, I’ve already started drafting a strongly worded letter to get “I live my life a quarter mile at a time,” added to the montage.
Just in case you wanted to check in on the Ghostbusters or spy on the Mcallister family from Home Alone, Total Film has assembled a list of 25 Cool Movie Locations seen via Google Street View (soon to be renamed Google Catching Drunk People In Candid Poses).
Now if only someone could figure out how to combine Google Street and Google Docs to make something cool…
Check the list here.
In a desperate bid to attract more customers to their dealerships, General Motors has announced that all 2009/2010 Hummer models will now come pre-made with insulting vanity plates, customized to degrade all the people who will gaze upon your new luxury sports utility vehicle with a mix of envy, hatred and the early stages of emphysema.
This list via Cracked, highlights the dictionary’s recent attempts to be completely unreliable by adding words that don’t even hold up in wikipedia entries, like screenager, threequel and bouncebackability.
It’s a shame that words like these slip into the dictionary while more deserving words like jean-punch, dinoplasty, [Vin] Dieselness, sharkoff, New-Jerseyism, baconglove and high-fiveability sit unrecognized as nothing more than fill ins for the words I can’t answer in the New York Times crossword puzzle. For shame.
See full list here.
Apparently when you mess up on a fake news show, they get a celebrity guest Keyboard Cat to play you off.
| The Colbert Report | Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| Exclusive – Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat | ||||
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That’s some good Keyboard Cating, Green Day. Not as good as say, a real cat doing it, but still, well done.
Everyone knows that baseball games can drag on forever, especially if the game is being delayed. So, how did UCONN and South Florida pass the time during their rain delay at the Big East Tournament? With a dance battle of course.
This video, courtesy of sports statistician and weekend dancer, Eric Sweeney, shows the first ever ball game turned dance battle since the cast of Moonwalker scrimmaged Prince for a Charity softball game.
There’s a lot of footage to slog through in this video, but USF’s team dance at 3:20, #29 doing an Irish Jig at 6:30 which turns into a full on jig off at 7:00 (Honestly, a must see) and the team tarp slide at 9:20 are highlights. I would call this greatest baseball game ever, but I got to see Mr.T sing the seventh inning stretch last night and that of course trumps all (He’s an excellent singer if you were wondering).
Just in case you think this video is a fake made by computers to discredit baseball, here is another angle.
As President Obama continues to draw criticism for his speech at the University of Notre Dame and his emerging policies supporting detainment without representation, he saw an entirely new source of opposition from his Republican counterparts, when they took to picking apart his performance in a basketball game at the YMCA over the Memorial Day weekend.
Obama, who took a break from his busy weekend to participate in the pickup game, turned in a rather underwhelming performance, at times struggling to run the length of the court, throwing errant passes to White House staff who were watching from the sidelines, all while maintaining his trademark “cool as can be” demeanor during the rather miserable performance.
In an effort to expand her relentless bids for attention to new platforms and new audiences, socialite Heidi Montag has decided to build up what she is calling buzz with “smart people and nerds,” by being photographed with the hottest players in international news and world politics.
However, no one expected her first photo op to be as controversial and dangerous as it was, when she showed up on the deck of a sea faring vessel that had been captured by a crew of renegade Somalian pirates.
After a period of great consideration and intense soul searching, Philadeplphia native Chad Ferrel was able to answer the most pressing question in his life when he decided that yes, he is fairly certain that Top Gun is still a good movie.
Top Gun, the famous 1980’s buddy flick, which is most notable for staining men’s beach volley with homosexual undertones that the sport has never been able to shake in the years since, has been Ferrel’s favorite movie since he first saw it at Nick Parker’s sleepover in sixth grade.
After building up what he thought was a lasting friendship over a three year period, trainer Mike Jacobs was shocked when Bubbles, the three thousand pound grizzly bear at the Pailsville Zoo attacked and mauled him, revealing their friendship to be nothing more than a façade to get close and eat the overly trusting Zoo employee.
Pailsville, New Jersey resident, Ted Chester, garnered national attention when it was revealed that he embodied all 6 undesirable traits listed in Maxim’s Men You Shouldn’t Date article for their upcoming June issue.
Traditionally, troublesome ex-boyfriends or underwhelming current boyfriends usually only check off two or three of these unwanted traits, but no one in previous recollection has managed to jam all six undesirable traits into their personality.
That is absolutely terrifying. I’m canceling that Elephant Safari I was going to take….at least until Elephants get bigger or Tigers get less athletic.
On a more upbeat note, take a look at the winners of the 2008 Best Pictures of Wild Animals and remember at the end of the day, they are just like us.
In what Hollywood is calling Academy Awards history, actress Meryl Streep has received the first ever preemptive Oscar for a role she has yet to film a single scene for. Streep, who will start filming El Tiempo Del Muerte in late 2009, was informed today that she would be receiving this unprecedented honor for the Best Actress category.
The movie, a drama based on a popular Spanish memoir that loosely translates as The Time of The Dead, is being described as a mix of Schindler’s List, House of Sand and Fog, Sophie’s Choice and the really sad parts of the Bible. Streep will play the role of Matilda, a blind woman who is sold into slavery on a pirate ship on the anniversary of her father’s death, while her village is ravaged by a wildfire that is only put out days later by a tidal wave.
So, this is the debut of Sticks In The Real World, the web comic I’m going to do for the site. The picture above is just the logo for it, not the actual comic. I don’t know how often I’ll update it, hopefully once a week, but that’s ambitious since I have the drawing skills of a crab that found a box of crayons on the beach.
This first comic is more of a setup for reoccurring relationships, so it’s not intended to be a stand alone thing. I’m going to put the comics themselves in the story, because they are too big and spill over onto the blogroll, so click below for it.
I was referred to this trailer by Joe, who to the best of my knowledge, is the most accomplished internet linker in the entire world, but honestly I have no idea how you could prove/disprove that claim other than a good old linkoff.
I have since seen this trailer circulating on some other sites, but still, I feel like I have the right to post it here since I actually have a section dedicated to bad movies. And really, why not make sure more of the world gets to see a mega shark, a giant octopus and Lorenzo Lamas fight each other?
This gem comes out next week on DVD. Yes, that’s correct, I am advising you all to quit your jobs in anticipation.
Alright, this story is worth addressing because it’s stupid. Honestly, the headline reads like propaganda by video game and cereal coalitions to keep children indoors so that they can fatten them up.
Basically, this report alleges that environments where it’s sunny twenty four hours a day can cause long term problems that could lead to irrational behavior and suicide, just like the great times Al Pacino had in the movie Insomnia.
In a bold move today, the Mexican Wrestling Federation broke their long silence on a controversial topic, when they issued a statement demanding that Luchador masks stop being worn by drunken assholes across America.
Luchador masks, a staple of Mexican wrestling, have recently become increasing popular at bars, parties and sporting events, where men use them to hide their faces so that they are able to make drunken asses out of themselves. It is reported that this trend rose to prominence because of the unique qualities of the mask.
Conor's Near Truth Archive 
